I faked an abortion last night.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize