I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
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