He disabled his match.com account in front of me
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
