thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
