And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
