Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
