sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
