i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize