Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
