the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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