Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
