I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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