Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
