dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
