I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
We were destined to go to rehab together
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
