I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Randomize
