its not stalking. its research.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
