hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
