Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm too high and old for this...
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