I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
