I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
