May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Best friends brother. Beat that.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize