i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
