just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
