nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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