You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize