i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
