i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize