The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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