i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
