i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
