I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
honey bunches of taint.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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