I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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