remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
