How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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