wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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