you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
