Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Randomize
