Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
