Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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