we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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