I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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