i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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