ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize