We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
