Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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