I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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