Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
