Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
