I can't breathe out the right side of my face
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I stole a fireplace last night.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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