he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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