you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize