we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize