During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
