Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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