New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
