Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
operation have a gay friend backfired
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
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