I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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