there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
