life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
