I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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