Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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