8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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