well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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